013-Goodbye Wisconsin

Monday Updates: A birthday, buying my flight ticket, and going to New York.

Today, I noticed that it is only ten days away from my birthday, which is a strange, foreboding, and exciting thing, as all birthdays eventually become. Time seems to go by so fast and not fast enough. We all want more, more time, and more of a year.

Despite working through a neck injury, spending a few weeks glued to the floor has helped in its own weird way. The thoughts that rose to the surface were uncomfortable and felt like static. They were my constant companion while I was down. And I have learned that they are there for a reason.

When one is forced to sit with themselves for an extended period, discomfort tends to be present. One can be in a bathtub too long, the bus doesn’t come fast enough, or our phones die, and we don’t have any place to run to. In those tiny pockets of time, we are only present with ourselves.

When we get enough time with ourselves, what comes up isn’t always pleasant, but they are deeply necessary. The feelings erupt and become jammed in our throats, the primary highway from brain to body. The solitude helps divert the traffic.

I finally bought my ticket to New York, and will leave this tiny Wisconsin town this week. I can’t believe after all of it, it is finally time to say goodbye.

I have learned a lot here, and words like “oofta”, “ope”, and “you betcha” slide out of my mouth a lot easier now. Despite hearing about things like “The Minnesota Nice”, this unique kindness and hospitality is indeed true to the Midwest, and I’ll miss that charm. Replacing it with New York might be a bit of a shock to my system, but I’m excited to be going back to that city, no matter how unhinged it may be.

The first thing on my list is to visit a darkroom again. I cannot wait. It is all I have in my mind: To continue my work.

I don’t know what it will be like from next month. It all requires an unreasonable amount of faith. Faith, faith, faith, and clarity. And truly, the clarity cannot come quick enough.

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Monday Updates is a section of this blog where I’m letting my hair down, figuratively. I am often preoccupied with getting things perfect, rather than simply sharing and enjoying the process while talking about life. Instead of the tradition of hating Mondays, I’m going to try to associate them with creative freedom and allow myself to speak my mind without the worry that a perfectionist usually has. Things here may be a bit disjointed, incomplete, and occasionally nonsensical, but they may also be playful, curious, and whimsical. I will do my best to make it more of the latter.