50 things home was
037-Monday Updates: Trying to remember home
Today I am thinking about home. I am thinking deeply about home.
When I was in Japan, I had the same house for 10 years straight. Ever since I left, I have had a new place every month. Within a year and seven months, I have stayed in at least 20 different places. It has been a compilation of sofas, mattresses on the floor, and guest bedrooms. It has been equal parts exhilarating, and discombobulating. Recently, I have mostly been feeling the latter.
In a strange pursuit of home, I’ve complied a small list of what it is for me, or at least, what it was when I was living in Nara. I have been trying to remember my favorite parts about home, the home I had for so long:
Watching the wooden living room floor slowly cave at the weight of all who passed through over 10 years
Growing sweet potatoes in clear glass jars, and watching beautiful vines pop out over the springs and summers
Having the delivery and postmen know my name
Books. Having hundreds of books
Being able to fall asleep on the sofa if I wanted to
Watching the pink blossoms of my plum tree bloom every spring
Collecting the shells of snails from my backyard every year
Walking up to the temple at the crack of dawn
Running down the mountain to the convenience store at 11 pm
Saying goodbye to my cat, Harley, and having a funeral in the backyard
Having a seed collection
A closet full of clothes. And more than three pairs of socks
The bokutou that was always there, and was never used
Sitting on the balcony during the rainy season, watching the rain come down for weeks
Scratching secret messages into the walls
Owning tools. A jig saw. Wrenches. Screwdrivers. Even a pair of scissors
Making the guest bedroom beautiful. And giving a home to our friends
Eating natto over rice for breakfast
Sweating every night in bed, fighting the urge to use the air conditioner every night in the Japanese summer
Cutting backyard vines and sasa for weeks long (It will not be missed).
Coming into the genkan, looking at my collection of butterflies as soon as I walked in the door.
Making holes in the walls in an attempt to hang paintings
The giant huntsman spiders that would come every summer, chase them around frantically with kabi ki-ra to kill them
Hosting parties, barbecues, and picnics, filled with inari and kirin beer
Taking walks to the local park to see the blooming cherry blossoms at the end of March
Planting fruit trees in the backyard
Knowing where to get dangos, onigiri and bentos from the shops in the shoutengai
Seeing the same woman in the post office for 10 years and never knowing her name
Seeing the same man in the convenience store for 10 years and never knowing his name
Buying fireworks in the summer and setting them off in the parking lot
Seeing my sister every morning
Pulling out the table and making it longer when guests were coming over
Knowing my favorite places to buy flowers.
Falling asleep accidentally on the tatami floor
Collecting too many things and not being able to throw them away
Knowing that you have enough silverware and cups
Being able to go to the emergency room at 2 am
Leaving on a trip, but knowing that a bed was waiting for you when you got back
Finding notes that I had written three years prior
Knowing where all my old family photos were. And my birth certificate
Knowing that in October, the smell of the kinmokusei would come
Never knowing why that light switch in the living room never worked
Buying fairy lights and decorating the balcony with them
Being excited for persimmon to be in season in the fall
Gathering black dirt from the mountains and bringing them to my garden
Crying deeply in my living room, crying deeply at the kitchen table, crying in my tatami room, and crying deeply into my pillow
Walking into the forest at night and looking for fireflies
Putting the groceries on the kitchen table every week
Saying goodbye to God
Knowing exactly where the tea was
FIND ME ON
Monday Updates is a section of this blog where I’m letting my hair down, figuratively. I am often preoccupied with getting things perfect, rather than simply sharing and enjoying the process while talking about life. Instead of the tradition of hating Mondays, I’m going to try to associate them with creative freedom and allow myself to speak my mind without the worry that a perfectionist usually has. Things here may be a bit disjointed, incomplete, and occasionally nonsensical, but they may also be playful, curious, and whimsical. I will do my best to make it more of the latter.
"Saying goodbye to God". Mmm, I would love to hear more about that: why, in which sense, how was that relationship (or ideation), and how is it now...
I came from your interview in Japan on YouTube and now because of your twin sister from Substack. I see you both like NYC. I have mixed feelings about the city. I enjoy the cultures there but dislike how expensive and dirty the city actually is.
I think if you get the chance look up Langroops. There's a Meetup group in NYC and Tokyo of the same name.