it’s the world upside down
036-Monday Updates: the duality of good and bad, accepting life over tea and cheese
Update: From this week there will be two pieces of writing in your inbox. I will continue with my Monday updates, but on Thursdays, I will be dedicating my time to essays, dedicated research, and more concrete posts. The first one this month will be free for all subscribers. Excited to share this with you.
I have been marveling at how quickly life can change, and how one’s perception of life, or the lives of others can drastically shift. This swift metallic swing of the pendulum may mimic the sounds of a bolted jail cell or the golden gates of heaven.
Earlier this week, I had tea time with a dear friend from Mexico, sugarless tea accompanied by panela cheese paired with strawberries.
We talked about this sensation, where life, in chaos and pain, can feel unlike your own. Despite active choices, one can feel utterly helpless to these violent swings and can appear to be stuck eternally on one side, without the release of equilibrium.
We talked about what my friend was going through, and one thing she said struck me: “My goodness, it’s the world upside down.”
When you are going through something difficult, demanding, and deeply requiring of your energy to a ridiculous extent, it’s the world upside down. Life, but not how you imagined it to be.
I am an anxious person, I tend to oscillate between deep contentment and extreme nerves. This is a result of many things, but was cemented by a surgery I had during the pandemic, one that altered my life in an instant.
This event drove home the unfortunate truth that anything can happen at any moment’s notice. For years I have draped this negative mindset over my shoulders and wore it daily. I believed it would keep me warm and safe.
I’ve slowly been able to drop those robes, and have been attempting to curate a life where I can experience joy on my terms. This has taken a year and seven months already, and I am only beginning to understand what that means.
I know now that this topsy-turvy sensation can also be applied to good. When you least predict it, everything murky you expect from the world melts away, and you are left feeling dumbfounded by beautiful emotions; feelings that in their absence may have become foreign.
Many things can go wrong, but now I understand that just as many can go right.
It’s the world upside down. You may think life will go a certain way, and then you find yourself so incredibly in awe at where you are being led, or where you lead yourself.
I cannot begin to explain the beads on the string; this long stretch of life we have. It is too intricate, too strange, and too full of contradictions. With my fickle levels of optimism and pessimism, I am in no position to fully articulate this duality without bias or fatigue.
But this week, I have found myself in a state of buoyancy, and a specific elation that I have not experienced for quite some time. So while the pendulum has found itself on this side of suspension, I will enjoy it as long as it’s there.
FIND ME ON
Monday Updates is a section of this blog where I’m letting my hair down, figuratively. I am often preoccupied with getting things perfect, rather than simply sharing and enjoying the process while talking about life. Instead of the tradition of hating Mondays, I’m going to try to associate them with creative freedom and allow myself to speak my mind without the worry that a perfectionist usually has. Things here may be a bit disjointed, incomplete, and occasionally nonsensical, but they may also be playful, curious, and whimsical. I will do my best to make it more of the latter.
The last image is so beautiful! Your post reminds me of Mary Oliver’s poem Don’t Hesitate:
If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don't hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that's often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don't be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.
I have to constantly remind myself as life’s difficulties can be so dominant.