you can't be happy anywhere

032- Monday Updates: thinking back to my last weeks in Japan

It is the summer of 2023.

I knew that after 10 years, it would be the last summer I would spend in my house in Nara. I would be leaving Japan, and I didn’t know when I would come back. I had a one-way ticket to San Francisco. For the first proper time, I would be leaving the country I had spent my whole life in.

This particular day, I lay on the wood floor. The floor paneling was popping off, and the section of the floor in front of the door was caving in (this area had the most foot traffic). For years we expected it to give way, but we all left before it could be witnessed.

I was talking to my friend from Mexico. I had gotten into the habit of incessantly complaining about Japan to him, releasing years of frustration I had with my home. Going to Mexico for the first time earlier that year had only increased my dissatisfaction, and I couldn’t help but compare the two countries.

I was going through my string of grievances when he suddenly cut me off, “Reylia,” he sighed, “if you can’t be happy in Japan, you can’t be happy anywhere.”

I remain in such blissful distraction in Mexico City. Many factors are preventing me from creating a proper routine, and one is joy. I cannot talk enough about how I feel while I am here.

Earlier this week, my brunch companion (a fellow photographer) and I talked about how we had changed and grown throughout the years. “You gotta learn your fucking patterns”, he said. I felt that I had not quite identified mine.

Being in a new place means very little if you want to change. Our habits, our pitfalls, and our weaknesses follow us constantly. I am trying to make sure mine are kept at bay.

After I filled my stomach with chilaquiles, I began the short walk home. The uneven and erupted concrete roads never permit me to zone out while walking. These roads are always asking questions: How much are you looking at the world? Are you here with me while you go about your way?

There have been a handful of things I’ve learned while I’ve been here:

1. Do not accidentally get caught in the doors of the metro buses or the trains. Unlike the subway doors in New York, where people offer up a variety of limbs to keep them open, these ones in Mexico City will hurt you.

2. ‘Ahorita’ in Spanish translates to ‘now’, but it rarely means ‘now’, and can sometimes mean ‘never’.

3. There is classical music at Sala Nezahualcóyotl (CCU) every weekend

4. Deep regret can be combatted with deep intention

   
   
   The one thing I can’t figure out:

Why it took so long to care about myself

this week:

highlights:
-Went to a picnic in Chapultepec this week, and had a dance competition
-Ate vegan ramen, and also made gyoza
-Had a location scouting at the St.Regis for a photoshoot

low points:
-Still looking for an apartment for March
-Somehow left my SD cards in New York, need new ones
-Realized how soon I will be leaving this apartment in Escandón

updates:
Will be releasing the first draft of my e-book this month. I’m on a deadline. I also have a new and official print store now. I’ll be sharing it soon.

reading: The Unbearable Lightness of Being

FIND ME ON

INSTAGRAM | YOUTUBE

Monday Updates is a section of this blog where I’m letting my hair down, figuratively. I am often preoccupied with getting things perfect, rather than simply sharing and enjoying the process while talking about life. Instead of the tradition of hating Mondays, I’m going to try to associate them with creative freedom and allow myself to speak my mind without the worry that a perfectionist usually has. Things here may be a bit disjointed, incomplete, and occasionally nonsensical, but they may also be playful, curious, and whimsical. I will do my best to make it more of the latter.